queeriusblack

Anonymous asked:

can you do some drama queen sirius headcanons pretty please

feministsirius answered:

here are some actual canon drama queen sirius moments (note that some of these are also actually just very sad):

  • i’m on the run but here let me send letters to really obvious locations, like where harry potter is and where remus lupin lives (probably), using enormous tropical non-native birds
  • i promise i’m innocent but i’m going to drag your best friend past this tree that punches people and accidentally break his leg and then when you all follow him i will explain NOTHING until forced to by remus lupin. explanation time? no. HUG TIME
  • harry needs help? i am on my way, i will live in this cave and eat rats with my hippogriff, no there is no other option
  • god rest ye merry hippogriffs
  • literally any interaction with molly weasley, ever
  • girl look at me during exams? nO I AM FLIPPING MY HAIR AT REMUS LEAVE ME ALONE, did u like question 10 moony

here are some I made up but believe are fully plausible:

  • the inevitability of sirius threatening to never speak to anyone ever again whenever he fights with james or remus
  • "don’t touch my FUCKING hair"
  • flouncing from the room in a huff whenever marauder’s map planning wasn’t going smoothly
  • fury about snape getting a better grade than him in potions for d a y s 
  • "I told you NOT TO TOUCH MY FUCKING HAIR"
  • younger sirius starts a lot of angry sentences “I cannot BELIEVE that” or “I am just in AWE of” totally sarcastically
  • "james you clearly don’t care about me AT ALL"
  • every even minor illness resulting in him whimpering in a ball on his bed, begging somebody to get him a cold wash cloth or a hot cup of tea, soothed only by remus sitting there and gently petting him
  • "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME OR MY PAIN"
  • grandiose gifts that are not necessarily physical objects but things like filling the dorm room with enchanted rose petals that sing love songs at james on valentine’s day and charming the inside of Remus’ four-poster to look like his ideal reading nook for two hours so that he can have some peace and quiet during finals 
  • and sirius is obviously the king of dramatic entrances. he comes down to breakfast and whips his robes around and is like, “pass the sausages” very gravely. he saunters into transfiguration class ten minutes late just as frank longbottom accidentally blows something up. he enters the quidditch pitch by standing on his broom and bowing. he and remus have the dorm room all to themselves one weekend and when remus leaves for ten seconds and comes back in he’s pin-up posing on the bed naked.

but i also think he does this to be funny sometimes, such as:

  • literally descending from the ceiling in a cloud of mist into mcgonagall’s classroom
  • perfecting his ability to whip his hair around and gasp simultaneously in a rage like a thwarted soap opera villain
  • perfecting the ability to magically instantaneously grow a handlebar mustache that he can then twirl while remus describes prank plans
  • performing spells with a truly unnecessary amount of flourishing during practical lessons or demonstrations
  • "how DARE you reach across me to get a biscuit, peter. how DARE. YOU."
  • changing his accent based on what’s being discussed or who he’s talking to in a group — if Remus is grumpy or upset he starts talking to him in the poshest accent he can muster, if James is being The Worst he starts talking to him like a bad interpretation of Dickens hero